Getting Unstuck – Understanding Identity
July 9, 2025 |
Recently, I launched my new book – Getting Unstuck: How Learning Bravely is a Superpower for Personal Growth & Change. In the book, I talk about the role identity plays in impeding our progress on change that matters to us.
Identity is our internal sense of self—shaped by genetics, upbringing, life experiences, and social influences. It includes roles, needs, values, beliefs, assumptions, and group affiliations. Though it feels fixed, identity is a constructed and evolving system. It provides a lens through which we interpret the world but can also limit growth if not examined.
Emotional triggers and somatic cues (like anxiety or discomfort) often signal a threat to our identity. Rather than face the discomfort, we unconsciously protect our identity—avoiding risk, conflict, or vulnerability—which keeps us stuck.
In Getting Unstuck, I outline five subsystems of identity:
- Loyalties and Affiliations: External associations (e.g., family, profession, politics) shape our worldview. These often impose implicit rules that drive conformity. Social media has intensified the pressure to align with group norms, impacting independent thinking and growth.
- Roles: We adopt formal and informal roles throughout life (e.g., parent, peacemaker, provocateur), which can become rigid parts of our identity. While roles offer structure, they can hinder learning if overly tied to personal worth or driven by unconscious needs.
- Needs: Rooted in survival, needs like safety, control, independence, and belonging heavily influence our behaviour. When unmet or overemphasised, they can become “hungers” and obstruct collaboration, openness, or change.
- Values: Core principles guiding actions. While values provide moral direction, rigid adherence can create blind spots or resistance to alternative views, especially in complex or changing environments.
- Beliefs and Assumptions: Formed early and reinforced by bias (e.g., confirmation, projection), beliefs become internal “truths” that influence decision-making and behaviour. Left unchecked, they limit perspective and personal evolution.
To grow and “learn bravely,” one must examine, challenge, and sometimes loosen the grip our identity has over us.
If you want to chat about how coaching can help you get unstuck please email me at andrew@agilityconsulting.com.au.
